you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
