I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
