It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
