Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
