i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
