Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
