I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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