I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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