The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
