my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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