I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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