my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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