I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize