I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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