Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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