The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
