No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
