he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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