I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
