it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
