does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
