I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
