and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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