She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
