Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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