i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
