I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
