Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
