google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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