How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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