he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
