I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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