ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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