then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
