For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I will pee on everything he values.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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