seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
