Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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