Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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