Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
