2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
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Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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