its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
