you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
