your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
