got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
