if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
