I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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