If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
