Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
