After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
