a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
