New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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