Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
