The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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