I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
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You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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