if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
