Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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