Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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