Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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