I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
