I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
