Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
